Insomnia

When I can't fall asleep and the world around me is still, I can't help but feel lonely.

And loneliness is a funny thing that I enjoy and at the same time so sick of. Or should I say used to? Since I'm home most of the time with my maid and, my maid. The only living thing.

I love to be alone when I have plans. Like to buy stuffs, to bake, or to run. I prefer doing all these alone because I don't like to burden the others. And knowing that your friend doesn't like what you like is a sucky feeling that I'd not want to experience. So the solution is to do everything on my own, my way. Happy and carefree.

I hate to be alone most of the time. When out with not-so-close people or when in big groups, I feel left out at times. Like "hello, can you hear me?!?! I'm still here! Talk to me, reply me!" *waves hands in front of your face* I don't really do that physically, but mentally.

Familia tells me that at the rate I'm going, I don't need a man. Because I love to settle everything myself. I think what they said is true. But I don't want that to happen. There are also times when you need someone to share your troubles and joys right? Or simply just being beside you when you're down. There's no need to say or do anything, being there and a big big hug will suffice. Simple as that.

I think I cause myself all the misery and pain because I'm unwilling to disclose things going thru my mind. For the same reason of not wanting to be a burden to my close friends who would sincerely be concerned about me. They have their own troubles and problems too, and maybe they are experiencing a tougher time than I do. What kind of friend am I if I add on to their misery, albeit unknowingly? Perhaps a robot will be good for me.

I have been blogging so frequently. This goes to show how bored I am.